There has been a murmur in the back of my head for a
few months few years now — the quiet whisper, the flash of inspiration, fleeting at first, but then always there, always nudging me to do something.
That something has been, to do Better.
Most of my problem is trying to focus, trying to get laser sharp accuracy, and concentration, in the current thing I’m doing. I fail horribly most of the time. To me, as a creative person, whom constantly feels like they need to add something to the world, even if it be a clever 140 character quip — I’ve always felt like I needed to add something. Something to define me, something to make me feel worthwhile, and something to make me feel right. I’ve decided to not only add something to the world, but to add something of value.
It is my worst fear that my value, that I contribute to the world, will turn out to be worthless — and therefore has stopped me from doing all but maybe 1% of what I think, I’m capable of doing. It’s not that I’m vain, or that I need attention, it’s that I need completion for myself. Myself has been dying the last couple of years. If I don’t do something of value now, then that thing inside me, that urges me to do great things, my never speak up again. That would be a personal epic tragedy for me.
This is the most truthful thing I’ve written in a long time, and I’m O.K. with that. I want to evaluate where I’m at, and simply ”Go Pro”, and do the things that make me feel complete, the things that will allow me to win all the inner battles of doubt about what I want to do.
I’m going to, I desperately utterly need to put away Ego, and be firmly seated with Self — to do the things I do, and do them well. To strive for better.